| Our house is a very very very fine house with two cats in the yard |
[30 Jul 2009|01:57am] |
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Will Oldham |
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The 100 plus weather forced Chris and I out of the house for a couple days and it was awesome. We found the perfect secret spot along the Washougal river that apparently no one else knew about so it was really peaceful and secluded. We read and played in the water and built dams and brought strawberries and oranges and granola and brownies. It was the best. Oh, and I'm leaving for Europe Friday morning. So excited to speak French with actual French and have a real croissant! Oh and the crepes! My dad is taking me to this Hotcake house in Amsterdam too as I guess they love their pancakes as much as I do. I'm verrrrrrrrry excited and my mind is buzzing a million miles a minute with random things and always discovering and learning and doing new things it's fucking thrilling. Flying to Amsterdam to stay for few days then train to London for a while then to France to fly to Rome and stay for a week. THEN back to Paris to stay. Will be home in a couple weeks. Let's seeeeeeee.........
Too many obsessions to focus lately. I quit smoking in April completely cold turkey and feel great. Haven't had or wanted a cigarette since and fucking love it. AND went to Texas beginning of June to see Joe graduate from Air Force. The difference is insane.Let's see.....Sarcastic Dharma Society is stealing my heart and I'm still in shock at David Foster Wallace's genius. I finally finished reading Brief interviews with Hideous Men and moving onto A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again and Downtown Owl too. Busy Busy summer. Had the best Stumptown latte for free the other day and those moments are really nice. Also really diggin Why? and as always My Christopher. Aday, I promise we'll get coffee or OG when I get back. I'm sorry I'm such a flake...
( This is the first day of My Life )
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| I told the boss off and made my move.... |
[22 May 2009|11:09pm] |
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Iron and Wine-- Boy With a Coin |
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I feel the need to write. I feel like there are times where so many events happen and change it all coalesces into the present, and I need to reflect so everything stays the same for a while. My life is completely different from a year ago. And a year ago completely different from the year before that. Change is just so strange to me , it's just so intangible but can be so overbearing and present that when things slow down it seems stagnant.
Tomorrow is my last day at Borders. I quit for countless reasons, but I'll say that I loved my job at one time. It honestly breaks my heart to see what they are doing now, and to think about how many amazing people I've met there and of all the amazing times I've had. The last straw for me was the new employee mandate basically called "make books." ("Make" to describe our efforts at "making" these books bestsellers.) Booksellers have a quota to reach each shift for selling these books, which are usually 2 specific selections each week. Essentially, we're instructed to approach customers with a scripted personal recommendation of how much we love this book (whether or not we've read it, or even like it.) Most of the time we're scoffed at, because people don't like to be approached that way, and even the customers know these books are mediocre at best. I have no interest in faking enthusiasm for poorly written books on knitting clubs and war that have borrowed from so many other books there is no original or remotely thought provoking idea inside. As the "Loganberry Blog" put it," Why bother hiring intelligent people if you don't let them think? Why bother selling tools for intellectual growth if there is only one approved choice?"
They use the euphemism "handselling." It's fucking comical. If I am going to recommend a book, it'll be something I've personally read and enjoyed or think the customer might. Borders must be getting a lot of money from these publishers for whoring this bullshit out. If we don't meet quota, regardless of how well we work otherwise or try to shove it in people's hands, we will lose hours and subsequently get written up or terminated.
Whatever, Borders can't take advantage of me just because they know we know the economy's down and everybody is scared of not being able to find a job. I absolutely love reading and the possibilities that books open up, but I refuse to be forced to sell a certain title just for Publisher's deals with Borders. Working there has made me realize some ugly things about the book industry, or rather the big book chainstores. But I've tried some independent bookstores and have another interview with Clark's bookstore this week, so hopefully.... I know it's gonna be hard to find a new job, but I'll take my chances.
In other news...school registration finished for upcoming fall quarter. Obsessed with Vice Magazine, Animal Collective, and David Foster Wallace. Please watch Holy Mountain, it's beautiful. Oh, and the best boyfriend ever, Chris,
( Best Obsession )
All we do is watch movies and drink tea and coffee (lots) and read... we are geeks. The best part is..he loves Powells as much if not more than I do! Finally I found someone who thinks my boring interests are fun. I am completely in love.
( Please Read...great DFW essay )
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| Raw with love |
[22 Feb 2008|04:49pm] |
Things are changing. Spring has always been my season. I work at Borders, and the for the most part love my job. I'd rather be reading Bukowski. Matt and I are [back] together. Key to the lock in my house.
\
out of the arms of one love
and into the arms of another it's not pleasant to die on the cross,
it is much more pleasant to hear your name whispered in
the dark.
--Bukowski
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| Forget the hearse 'cause I'll never die |
[14 Apr 2007|03:05pm] |
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Between the Bars |
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Yesterday, I was accepted to University of Washington. I have worked so hard for this for the past four years. I am ecstatic. They have one of the best pre-med schools. Wow. Every hour of study, Every book read, Every essay completed, and Every test passed, has got me here. AND I got a new bookshelf yesterday which is fucking awesome. I just finished putting my million and half books up there so now they are all categorized. haha. Everyone should go to Ice Cream Rennaisance Downtown (Vancouver) It is so fucking delicious, and all homemade. Cameron and I go there every saturday cause we're fat. Oh and they have live music.
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| smoke smoke smoke that cigarette |
[29 Mar 2007|10:09am] |
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music |
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lennon |
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I am at the airport right now, and will be boarding my plane in about 20 minutes. I am so excited..... but i could literally gauge my eyeballs out right now for just one goddamn cigarette. fuck... i have these certain timed intervals throughout the day when i smoke, according to my school schedule and what not. at this point, normally, i would have smoked 3 cigarettes already. I've had one. so i tell myself...dont think about it, dont think about it. but fuck, the monotone, redundant announcement chimes in every three minutes to remind me, "No smoking in the airport." FUCK FUCK FUCK. I can't describe this..haha, it's actually kind of humourous because i never reach this point of complete insanity over a fucking cigarette, because i always have the option to smoke. oh, and...its like 10 AM now, and I dont get there until like 1030 PM. so 12 hours. ugggghhhhh......this lady next to me is talking on her cell phone and shes like , "are u sexually interested in me or is this just to help your sales? I hate lying to my husband.." oh god........people are fucking hilarious. Oh and I rented four movies to play on my laptop to distract myself on the flight...Fight Club, George Carlin stand-up(so fucking funny), Amelie, and Where the Buffalo Roam(A film about the late, great, Hunter S. Thompson) so....shit they're boarding!
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[24 Mar 2007|09:25am] |
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It's my birthday on wednesday. i ordered an english toffee/chocolate cake from larsons for my party. im really excited. cameron took me out last night, and hes buying me the hunter thompson poster i really want.....i am finally leaving the day after my birthday.i am so excited to get the fuck out of here. Jenny and I will be driving to chicago and staying there for a couple days as well...so exicted. (Metro, billy..) Maybe a gonzo tattoo? ehhh....doubt it. And Indiana named 2007 "Kurt Vonnegut" year because he's a native. They'll have like tons of documentaries, lectures, exhibitions, and shit like that on him. i was just on a vonnegut reading spree so this is awesome. my spring break is going to be the best. my brother is taking me out to pancakes and sat. market now. four more days.
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[11 Feb 2007|01:27pm] |
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In August I am leaving for Amsterdam, Paris, Germany , and Belgium. For my graduation present. And in March I am going to chicago/Indianapolis, to visit jenny. And in june, i might be going to hawaii for my grandmas funeral. I'm really excited. I love muchas gracias quesadillas with guacamole. but now i am eating pancakes.
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[29 Jan 2007|07:53pm] |
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the shins |
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I just got into Western Washington University!!! I am soooo excited! Bunny likes bellingham too, and we'll be close to Canada!
Dear Nicole Smith,
On behalf of the Western Washington University community, we are delighted to notify you of your admission. If you haven't yet received it, your official admissions packet will arrive soon. From what we learned about you in your application, we believe you would be a great addition to our student body. We wish you continued academic success. Congratulations on your accomplishments, and keep on making a difference!
Best Regards, Your WWU Admissions Counselors
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[10 Jan 2007|02:52pm] |
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The first big blow of the acceptance/rejection season. Didn't get the horatio alger scholarship. I worked really hard on this. I really thought id be on that long list. I'm really upset. I've just been like bawling for the past hour. I dont know. I have no idea now.
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[08 Jan 2007|04:57pm] |
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Gray |
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postal service |
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I keep telling myself, it's just winter
It's just Winter.
It's just Winter.
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[30 Dec 2006|02:49pm] |
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Analyse- Thom Yorke..... |
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fuck it. i could give a shit less how many classes i fail this semester. i could fail like 8 classes this year and still graduate. and im not going to kill myself working as hard as i have been for the past couple years, because I was miserable having every second of my life consumed. I don't have to go to a university and i figure when we move to seattle ill just go to the central community college over there. because i am so fucking sick of taking AP classes and working my ass off and being around all the little naive AP charlatans whom will never survive after they leave high school.I love evolving my mind and will continue to make that one of the most sacred and true endeavors i pursue, and most definitely will try my best to get the most out of the present classes I'm taking, but not at the cost of my sanity.
On a lighter note, I got a laptop for xmas and i love it. Oh, and read this book , if you will: The Triumph of Evolution…And the Failure of Creationism. By Niles Eldredge
Sorry for all the punctuation fuck-ups, it bothers me too. but i dont feel like going back and correcting it. fuck it.
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| bunny and carrot |
[09 Nov 2006|09:20pm] |
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lonesome crowded west |
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Yay! Cameron (bunny) and I are going to Seaside tomorrow in my beautiful acura. We're staying three days and we have a fireplace in our room! I love the beach! and bunny.
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[18 Jun 2006|06:39pm] |
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I haven't listened to the Pumpkins in a while. I was basically pumpkined out. So today I was sitting here watching the Pumpkins' Vh1 storytellers and just started bawling...not because I was sad or anything. Its just a Pumpkins thing. Like Amy and I at Billy's show.So she knows. Then my dad came in and was like what the hell are you doing? And I was embarassed. but it was great.
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[13 May 2006|03:04pm] |
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I hate my new manager. They just brought in this lady as the new General manager, and she's one of the stupidest people I have ever met. She doesnt know how to do ANYTHING , not even work the register. I dont understand, and it pisses me off that they would do this to their employees, just bring in somebody so inexperienced. (As general manager, of all positions)
I am working way too many hours and am basically going crazy right now. I think my AP tests went well. They were hard, but I forced myself to study that week and I think I defintley passed, the only downside is losing my mind.
Cory is helping me look for a car so thats nice...because i really need one. $3000. Anybody know?
I really have a lot to say, but i have to get to work. I will post more...just tired and working. This last week has been crazy.
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| This poem is my favorite, and the author is so brilliant. You may be familiar with the jungle book. |
[13 May 2006|12:35am] |
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radiohead-kinetic |
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[IF]
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!
--Rudyard Kipling
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| Henry Rollins |
[01 May 2006|03:41pm] |
I wish I could have understood you
I wish you would have needed me
It hurts to know I'll never be with you again
I think of you all the time
I have been with other women
I accidentally call them by your name
I can't help myself
These nights go
Always Different cities
But the same pain
I am becoming more familair with myself
More strange to them
I wish I knew someone
I could talk to
I wish
I wish I didn't sound so struck, so pathetic
I should feel lucky to be alive
But I don't feel so lucky
Most of the time
I don't feel anything at all
My eyes hollow out
And the time passes unnoticed.
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[01 May 2006|03:33pm] |
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I'm so sick of this. It's only been a little over a week and I'm sick of acting like I dont care and like im happy ...... i miss it so much. ...i just feel so stuck.
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[30 Apr 2006|09:42am] |
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only Tool and Rachmaninoff today |
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Wow. Today is the day. The last day before the AP lang test. I've been letting myself down lately. Today im going to exercise my mind to its limits, studying and thinking. I need to wake myself up, realize that I am the only means to my success or failure.
Oh my God. Tomorrow....The AP test is so dramatic, you can't even make eye contact with anybody during it. I'm so excited today. This is what I live for. The chance to challenge my mind. Wow.
(That's parallelism [or antistrophe, more specifically])
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[27 Apr 2006|04:10pm] |
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I dont know . i dont know. im a creep. im a weirdo.
My AP test is monday. And another one Friday. im missing so much school. i dont want to go and i have too much studying anyway. i dont know how to sum up what im feeling . I broke up with cameron on friday. were done. absolutely. 2 years. i dont know. i dont know.
I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a sun in somebody else's sky, but why
Why, why can't it be mine
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